Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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