We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
