I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
