I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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