You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
