I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
