i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
