you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Randomize
