I think I died a long time ago.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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