Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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