I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
