I think my fart just growled at me.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
