I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize