I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
