You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
