just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
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