i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
