I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
