Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
