So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
