I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I look better un-naked...
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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