I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
only if we run a train.
done.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
