some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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