Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Vodka?
Forever.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
