Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Randomize