So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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