My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Randomize
