Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
