Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
