opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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