Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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