i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize