great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
