I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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