did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
