I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
