Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
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