its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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