Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Randomize
