I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
