if you like me you must not know who I am
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
