she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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