no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
