What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
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