when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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