Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Randomize
