Heybabeimwearingurpanties
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
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