Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
