Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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