my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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