i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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