and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
