She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
