Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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