Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
