I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
