God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
