that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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