His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
