She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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