You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Randomize
