so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
