R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
