I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
